​​​​​​​Finding a True Friend by Bob Lowry

Finding a True Friend by Bob Lowry

This topic is on my mind because of the just-concluded trip to Oregon to visit a few fellow bloggers. As things turned out I have made several real friends out of virtual ones. What happened to make this transition? What are the characteristics we look for when asking someone else into our life? Since having friends is an important part of a satisfying retirement it seemed worth a closer look.

One of the keys is the ability to share openly. If we are with someone and we must constantly watch what we say or self-censor too much, then a real friendship is unlikely. Sharing both joys and sorrows is critical to a meaningful friendship. That can't happen if communication isn't open and expressive. We shouldn't be hesitant to open up to a real friend.

Be willing to try and experience new things together is a good test of a friendship. When any of us leave our comfort zone there is some tension and nervousness present. Even something as simple as trying a different cuisine because your friend likes it can reveal a lot about the state of the relationship. Traveling might be a better test. Being together for several days while away from the security of home and routine can quickly test a budding friendship. If you can laugh together at misfortunes and share great experiences, then a deep friendship may be possible.

A core of common beliefs and the acceptance of different beliefs must both be present. While these points might seem contradictory, I believe they are critical. Common beliefs might include the importance of respect for other people, that discrimination has no place in our society, or that children deserve the very best we can provide. Different beliefs may be about spirituality or religion, political affiliations and hot button issues of the day. Friendship requires that those differences are never used as a wedge or weapon. Spirited discussions and honest disagreements should create a stronger bond between two people that value that relationship.

There must be no pressure to "perform." Think back to a dating relationship you have had. The small talk and overt politeness are part of that world. We want to present our best possible face to the other person. But, in a true friendship it is perfectly OK for one person to be having a bad day and admit it. We don't have to always look or feel our best all the time. That isn't real life and friends don't want someone to put up a front or play a part. "Dress-up" isn't part of this type of relationship.

There must be an sincere interest  to learn more about that person. Nothing could be more unfulfilling than to spend time with someone over a long period of time and never learn more about each other. That would mean one or both people are being dishonest about their feelings and needs. It would mean that the relationship would never become more than skin-deep.

Many people much wiser than I have made the point that friendship brings depth and joy to someone's life. True friendship is a special gift that two people give to each other. As Proverbs notes, "Disregarding another person's faults preserves love." Deep friendship is an essential part of a satisfying retirement and a life lived well and fully.

By Bob Lowry


Bill Storie and Robin Trimingham are the co-founders of The Olderhood Group Ltd., an online learning company with + 100,000 global followers in over 100 countries. The Leaders in Action video series, produced by Olderhood Productions International (part of The Olderhood Group) features short video interviews with recognized Leaders in multi-national companies, global organizations, and renowned experts in various locations around the world including London, Los Angeles, Mumbai, Singapore, New Delhi, and many others. The Series is published on Olderhood’s social media pages, The Royal Gazette, LinkedIn and through its several Partnership Networks globally to millions of viewers around the world. The Olderhood Group provides life transition, financial literacy and retirement lifestyle planning, education, and training for corporations in the form of videos, podcasts and webinars. The consulting practice focuses on helping companies augment their employee benefits programs, and their customer outreach initiatives, by seamlessly integrating customized workshops, in-house training, and online learning opportunities into their existing platforms.